aina's godsister got engaged

When aina was still tiny and until she became a toddler, she was babysitted by her godmother, Puan Norizam whom aina affectionately called 'mak' (aina calls me mama). Ayu, (Pn Norizam's only daughter)) became aina's godsister or rather her 'sister' whom both had never had. Ayu loves her, disciplined her and pampered her. So does her father, En Sulaiman (godfather) whom aina referred to as bapak (aina calls dh babah). Apart from them, aina has abang Jim and abang Nik as godbrothers. The distance between our homes is four houses apart which had made easy for aina to escape my disciplinarian routine.

Ayu is a daughter whom all mothers had hoped for. She is a good mannered, intelligent and responsible girl. On this engagement occasion, I pray that Allah will bless ayu with kindness and love.

rindu meamor dan lambaian kaabah di edul adha

Tahun ini tahun kedua, musim raya keempat tanpa putera tercinta di sisi. Hanya kasih sayang, doa dan skype di pagi raya yang mampu mententeramkan rindu, sebak dan pilu... Mana ada insan yang ada iman di hatinya yang tidak berasa rindu pada Kaabah...Edul Adha tahun ini sangat meruntun kerinduan pada putera dan Baitullah. Semoga Allah mengizinkan lagi percutian bersama putera tercinta dan kunjungan insan kerdil ini ke Mekah pada tahun hadapan... insya Allah..

 

perseverance

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill.

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns.

And many a fellow turns about,

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow,

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man.

Often the struggler has given up,

When he might have captured the victor's cup.

And he learned too late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out,

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar.

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit,

It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Anonymous

doaku mengiring...

remembering a beloved teacher

I was hardly fifteen.. being cared and loved by a new teacher.. somebody i have never known before. All the love, guidance, presents, attention she has given me, sacrifices she has made for me and her loving memories can never be matched till now and which I can never repay.. she even addressed herself as mama.. how touching..

How ingratitude and naive I was to just let go and forgotten them all these while.. it takes only now (so long after) for me to really understand and appreciate.. sorry so much cikgu maria .. but there were other unavoidable circumstances also..

It is my wish now that we will meet again.. i just met my old friends (cikgu maria's other students).. they helped me to realize it.. i am now in student affairs dealing with students of adolescent age.. and one has made me realized it..

God has given me such a lot.. i should be giving out some also..

These are some memories linked to cikgu maria.. so sweet and beautiful..

One of cikgu maria's poem which i still can memorize which carries a lot of pain inside..

 
ku titip pesan surat rindu pada angin menderu

where am i?

Only child

An only child is a child with no siblings, either biological or adopted. Although first-born children may be considered temporary only children, and have a similar early family environment, the term only child is generally applied only to those individuals who never have siblings. An "only child", however may have half-siblings or step-siblings who come along considerably late (after he/she turns, say, 12) and still be considered an "only child". Children with much older siblings may also have a similar family environment to only children.

Families may have an only child for a variety of reasons, including: family planning, including financial and emotional or physical health issues, stress in the family, time constraints, fears over pregnancy, advanced age, infertility, personal preferences, and death of a sibling. Additionally, some parents decide to have only one child because they simply prefer it that way. Under the the One-child policy in Mainland China, subject to local relaxations, urban parents are prohibited by law to have more than one child.

In Western culture, only children are often subject to a stereotype that equates them with spoiled brats.

Birth order

is a person's rank by age among his or her siblings. Typically, researchers classify siblings as “eldest”, “middle child”, and “youngest” or simply distinguish between “firstborn” and “later born” children.
Birth order is commonly believed in pop psychology and popular culture to have a profound and lasting effect on psychological development and personality. For example, firstborns are seen as conservative and high achieving, middle children as natural mediators, and youngest children as charming and outgoing. In his book Born to Rebel, Frank Sulloway argues that firstborns are more conscientious, more socially dominant, less agreeable, and less open to new ideas compared to laterborns. Literature reviews that have examined many studies and attempted to control for confounding variables tend to find minimal effects for birth order on personality. ^[4][5] In her review of the scientific literature, Judith Rich Harris suggests that birth order effects may exist within the context of the family of origin, but that they are not enduring aspects of personality. ^[6]
Some research has found that firstborn children have slightly higher IQs on average than later born children. ^[7] However, other research finds no such effect. <sup>[8]

What is the personality of a child if she could be categorized not only as only, but also firstborn and also the youngest when/but she also has sisters and brothers? Unpredictable.</sup>

sedih dan luka - seasonal affective disorder?

I read my eldest niece's blog a while ago and i feel deeply sad. Looking back, my life is quite full of sad stories and one of them is associated with my sibling huhuhu. But I have always - "Life is short - it's been a great reminder to not take life or myself so seriously" and my life goes on the way it is now. I pray to Allah that both my brother and SIL will successfully perform their mabrur haj. Amen.

miss brilliant

(gambar hiasan sahaja)

My Little Red Car 

I have a little red car,
that fits five quite comfortably,
but members of my family
when shopping think I drive a lorry.
The thing is that they think
it will take them as well,
would you believe.
I do not know where they got the notion
that if you push the back seat down
you can carry triple the amount.
In a minute if they keep going
I will be driving through the sunroof
as there will not be any room
for me in my little red car

by david harris

a prof who inspires

Prof Dr Muhd Kamil Ibrahim - I've known him long in blogosphere through his writings. His name was nothing new since I was also from ITM. I bought his travelog haji from mph bookstore in Subang Jaya. I've met him personally in Sarajevo and he presented me his travelog haji cd signed with a kasih sayang seorang saudara muslim. One week knowing him in Bosnia (we were part of the malaysian universities delegation) and having the opportunities to solat jemaah with him as the imam and hearing his tazkirahs has done me good (in faith) and I am so thankful to Allah. He is a simple yet great man, and effective in his dakwah.

a mute wife and a deaf husband

 

 

 

It had passed midnight and i am still with the laptop working on the international conference to be held at the end of this month. On dh's invitation, I gladly answered yes, grabbed my scarf and followed him heading for  dataran shah alam for a char kuey tiau, otak2 and hot plain tea. The last time we came here was like more than 1 year ago before me amor leaving for canada. While eating and watching manchester u vs sunderland (dh is a fan of chelsea while I am of man u's) on the screen, we discussed about young men in general, their behavioral and needs, likes and dislikes. My cellphone buzzed at 1.35am, my, with a message from an src - he was still awake at this wee hours? We then had a good laugh mimicking a mute wife and a deaf husband. He still can insult me 'crazy' with his sign language - but I was just not in the mood to 'pay' him for that! Initially I was just mooting up the idea of a happy marriage - that is between a mute wife and a deaf husband. But then we thought it would be very deadly boring - its the whispers, sweet talks and quarrels that add salt and pepper to a husband/wife relationship! Really?

don't shut the door too hard

An unfavorable incident occurred today that has left me frustrated and agitated. Though I feel wanna shut the door then lock it and throw the key away, I cannot do it for there is love and sense of responsibility in all the things I do and vision out. I tried to find console by having a lunch date with dh at JM Briyani, Tesco. I remembered a lesson learned from John Casey's mother some time ago - don't shut the door too hard like you don't want to open it again... and I also remembered fairly well those words uttered by Prof Zainal in a lecture. Good balance of them make it do, I hope so.

westlife, seasons in the sun

aidilfitri without meamor

with other malaysian students in Toronto 2008

Its aidifitri tomorrow. Last year aidilfitri was celebrated without meamor and this year it is going to be the same (is it celebrating when there is no celebration?). For a family of 4 (plus mak 5), not having all of its members in an event is a significant loneliness. 2 years aidilfitri without him here, listening to takbir raya really inviting tears, the routine would be skype after subuh, performing the mass solat sunat raya at section 19 masjid, having a 'breakfast' of rendang, nasi impit and kuah kacang then continuing skyping again before visiting MIL and FIL in Petaling Jaya. And aina will be following ateh visiting families and friends.

Pagi lagi sudah ke pasar seksyen 6, cari daging, ayam dan beberapa lagi mengikut nota pesanan yang mak dah siapkan. Tapi kali ni DH helped me since troli pasar rosak and tak larat nak angkut seorang barang pasar nanti. Balik rumah buat washing and hanged all cucian at the car porch sebab cuaca tak berapa panas. Then buat house spring cleaning (its a big task) - sweeping, mopping, clearing the dust, mengemas yang bersepah-sepah. Luckily aina independently helped washing the car porch area (time kasih aina, mama saayang aina!). How I wished I still have a maid. Ria, our last maid ran away while I was away  in Bosnia.Beza ada maid dengan tidak, life now is a bit huru-hara since semua kena buat sendiri, baiknya pulak 'we enjoy the privacy'. If meamor di sini, all those chores are a mother and a son's shared work - sambil kemas sambil dengar dan nyanyi lagu raya sama-sama, saat-saat akhir pun sempat pergi beli bunga ke, pasu ker when we found the decoration tak cukup meriah. But for these 2 years, everything is kept to very simple and minimum.

Petang raya eve ni DH and aina had already left for takbir at FIL's place. I had chosen not to go since I promised to skype meamor on the night raya eve. Hope this raya would be a better one for him compared to last year since it falls on Sunday and now he rents a house with 7 other Malaysian students. Last year he wore a full baju melayu siap samping on the raya day and attended classes!

nasib baik tak pecah kereta orang

Tengah hari tadi temankan Kak Rj Norhayati seorang sahabat dari uitm shopping. Dah lama sangat kami tak jumpa oleh kerana kesibukan tugas masing-masing.  Setiap kali dia telefon, dia akan complaint "asyik I jer selalu telefon - u kan sya selalu janji nak telefon balik tapi tak pernah nak telefon". Masya Allah 'munafik kalau selalu berjanji tapi tak tunai' ni. So, lepas ni I shall note whatever promises I made so I will remember and ensure the delivery. Shopping can be a 'crazy splendour' kepada ramai wanita but not for me but for the sake of a friendship I had made myself available all afternoon. And I enjoyed every moment bersamanya - an 'anak kerabat raja' driving me in her new latio while I sat comfortably listening to her stories and soft soothing music, ok what! Kami bergegas-gegas berjalan dari Shah Alam Mall ke SACC kemudian ke PKNS Complex sampai nak tercabut kaki cari her baju kurung biru tapi tak jumpa-jumpa. Dulu-dulu dengan izin DH we used to 'dating' dari pagi sampai malam dan shopping kain and tempah baju raya dengan kain corak dan warna yang sama yang dibeli dari Gulatis di Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman. How sweet. We found that many boutiques these days are selling less unique but very common items up to being 'mediocre' in quality of design and materials.

Di SACC basement parking tadi I directed a 'havoc' drama. Terdengar suara perempuan menjerit-jerit histerical tapi tak jelas biji butir yang dijeritnya and a sound of car screeching. Tiba-tiba teringat kisah Canny Ong, Suzilawati dan kanak-kanak perempuan yang hilang so I shouted to a few men yang kebetulan berada di situ 'kejar, kejar, tolong, stop that car, ada orang kena colek'. I was also looking for a 'besi' so that I can break the glass of the moving vehicle. Berderau darah dan hampir semput juga nafas  berada dalam situasi kejadian tu. So those men pun kejar and stopped the car - alhamdulillah satu lagi kes pencolekan telah berjaya dilumpuhkan I thought. But to my surprise - cerita sebenarnya, perempuan tu gaduh dengan her husband or boyfriend I was told. I confirmed with the security officer there dan rasa amat lega. Tapi ya tuhan, bergaduh sampai macam tu .... perempuan ke apa tu? And nasib baik I did not find the 'besi'. If not i will be landing myself kat 'balai' dekat-dekat raya ni. But I am glad.... masyarakat Malaysia khususnya Shah Alam masih prihatin and I witnessed that with my own eyes.

remembering old friends during a 'sahur'

Its good to make new friends, but the feeling is nicer when meeting the old ones. During break fasting in Intekma yesterday, I happened to meet Hazrul Anuar and Zaki Kadir with wife Juliana and children, Zahid and Kasih. We were colleagues in the Intekma's marketing and pr department which I once headed. Now Hazrul is a successful General Manager of Intekma (with a wife and 2 children) and I am so proud and happy for him while Zaki is doing well in a firm (I can't remember whether it is a construction or property one). Both of them had been serious marketers and workaholic during our old times in Intekma. Everywhere I've been after that, no one could match their hard work and dedication. I could still remember those challenging times when we were to present the business plan to the General Manager - few days before the Day, we worked round the clock and only left the office after midnight and on the last preparation day we went home at 6 am, had shower and appeared at the office again at 9am. Pheww... But we were younger and our spirits were very high then. Hazrul even told the students (oh, forgot to mention that I went there with the mpps and Ama) that I used to be very 'garang' during those days. I think I have mellowed much especially since I left the marketing line to be with the student affairs now.

I hope we could meet again, this time with other ex-colleagues. We had been like one big family before, reciting surahs every day (during En Azmi Kassim's days as GM), having briefing sessions every day (the length of each briefing is like a meeting) and having breakfast lunch and sometimes dinner together. And those memories linger on.... We drove one round of Intekma to have the sight seeing of its night ambiance before we left heading for our onward destinations. Thanks Syafizal, Fauzi, Amal, Zeela and Ama....

 

....considered to be my serious sahur after being on milk-mode since 3 sept 2009. Maybe I have lost few pounds due to this but Zaki, Juliana and others in Intekma found me 'obese' now. Syafizal even asked me how thin I was before and I answered slim enough to wear shirts and blouses tucked into skirts and pants. Those were the days .....

Fauzi posted a Kenny G's Breathless in the FB while I was listening to Kitaro's Caravansary. Its real nice to hear them in the wee hours of the morning. DH was listening to them too, since he tidur-tidur ayam on the couch in this study room.

Kenny G's Breathless 

Kitaro's Caravansary

Just a while ago, me amor video-called me. Its 6.12pm in Hamilton and they (he and his house mates) were about to prepare dishes for berbuka - 'Abang Ayi nak masak ayam masak kurma'. I've got to e mail him recipes on chicken and tomyam soup.

cemerlang

 

from left, akmal, megat marwan, halim & megat muzhafar (all are cousins)

 

Baru balik dari iftar di rumah Kaklang (DH's 1st cousin) di Gombak. Akmal, anaknya yang sebaya Aiman akan berlepas ke Dublin pada 17hb ini ambil jurusan medic. Semua anak-anak Kaklang hebat, after 2 orang lepasan engineering now the 3rd one buat medic. So he's gonna be the 5th doctor in our big family. (Aiman kata dia pun nanti dr jugak, tapi dr engine, tak nak kalah tu hehehe). Lepas solat tarawikh, kita (uncles, aunties and cousins) beramai-ramai rekoding takbir supaya Akmal dan Aiman boleh dengar takbir keluarga di perantauan nanti (family besar FIL ni selalu buat takbir malam raya sampai hampir subuh, tak larat nak ikut). Tengah takbir ni tiba-tiba Abang Udin (father Akmal) yang bawa takbir ni menangis sebak dan disambung hingga habis oleh Marwan. Terharu semua orang dibuatnya. We have gone thru the sadness when Aiman left for Canada a week before Ramadhan last year. So me and DH could very much understand the family's situation. Ours were even worse since Aiman is our only son.

Bangganya lihat Marwan mengimamkan solat Isya' dan tarawikh malam ini. Bacaan surahnya bagus dan taranumnya sedap - mana tumpah kuah kalau tak ke nasi. Even Abg Piah pun kata 'selepas ni kalau megat nizar tak hadir event keluarga pun takper, sebab anaknya pun bagus macam dia'. Congratulations BIL and SIL, you've trained him well. He has a good package. Dia juga menggambarkan kematangan pemimpin mahasiswa IPTA.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sooo beautiful

one man's dream 

 reflections of passion

a beautiful prayer

I found this beautiful prayer that i cannot not share in this blog.

I asked Allah to take away my habit.
Allah said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up
I asked Allah to make my handicapped child whole.
Allah said, No.
His spirit is whole, his body is only temporary
I asked Allah to grant me patience.
Allah said, No.
Patience is a byproduct of tribulations
it isn't granted, it is learned.
I asked Allah to give me happiness.
Allah said, No.
I give you blessings; Happiness is up to you.
I asked Allah to spare me pain. 

Allah said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.
I asked Allah to make my spirit grow.
Allah said, No.
You must grow on your own!
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked Allah for all things that I might enjoy life.
Allah said, No.
I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask Allah to help me LOVE others, as much as He loves me.
Allah said...Ahhhh, finally you have the idea

THIS DAY IS YOURS DON'T THROW IT AWAY

May Allah Bless You, "To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world" For all the negative things we have to say to selves
Allah has a positive answer for it. "It's impossible"
Allah says: All things are possible
You say: "I'm too tired"
Allah says: I will give you rest
You say: "I can't go on"
Allah says: My grace is sufficient
You say: "I can't figure things out"
Allah says: I will direct your steps
You say: "I can't do it"
Allah says: You can do all things
You say: "I'm not able"
Allah says: I am able
You say: "It's not worth it"
Allah says: It will be worth it
You say: "I can't forgive myself"
Allah says: I FORGIVE YOU
You say: "I can't manage"
Allah says: I will supply all your needs
You say: "I'm afraid"
Allah says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
Allah says: Cast all your cares on ME
You say: "I don't have enough faith"
Allah says: I've given everyone a measure of faith
You say: "I'm not smart enough"
Allah says: I give you wisdom
You say: "I feel all alone"
Allah says: I will never leave you or forsake you
You say: "Nobody really loves me"
Allah says: I love you

working at home and missing me amor

  

 

I am behind schedule in completing my readings. I am supposed to finish reading Homer's Iliad quite a long time ago, but reading the epic poem is just never my style. So now I shall look for the modern translation version instead of the classical one. My last reading of classical english was Shakespeare's. Might be the age catching up left me with no patience on reading classicals. Sigh. Apart from Iliad, I am a quarter way of finishing up The Life of Hillary Rodham Clinton. I didn't understand why I purchased that book in the first place when I was actually looking for Michelle Obama for sarah ain. The next book is gonna be Al Qarni's Don't Be Sad (malay version) for my 'santapan rohani'.

That reminds me of I need to go to PJ Digital Mall to get a replacement for the broken microphone this weekend to skype meamor. Sitting on my study table is meamor's very young picture which will keep me smiling whenever I had my eyes set on it. Oh how I miss him...

Tak tidur seinci pun malam tadi, hope I can still stand a fresh mind today.